Not there yet

So Wicked was amazing! It was the best time that I have had in a long time and it was so good to be able to get away with Toddy for a while. I'm hoping to be able to do it again soon but money being the way it is I don't know the likelihood of that.

I wish that I could have kept that happy and contented feeling with me when I returned to "home" and "normality" but I lost it somewhere on the way.

Right now, I am hurting.

Right now I am angry.

And I am so annoyed with myself because I have not moved on and I should have. I need to let this go. I have been trying too, trying so hard to get past this but I'm not there yet.

Every reminder hurts just a little bit more, cuts a little bit deeper.

And I'm not trying to have a pity party, I don't want that. Right now I'm just in so much pain that it's hard to tell up from down not to memtion right from wrong and I'm trying to express that. Not to anyone in particular but just to express it and aknowlege it.

And I'm scared.

That in the end it will just be me alone.And I still won't understand the reason why.

I need to grow, to learn this lesson and progress to the next.

But I'm just not there yet.