Big whinge

IRRITATION is me this morning.

Very very serious irritation....

I have one ex-housemate who has been "staying over" for over a week, which I am over, completely over.
I don't mind her coming around, or even staying every now and again, but her welcome has been well and truly worn out. What makes it worse is that ALL she does is sit around and eat all our food and use our internet.

As does another friend who basically comes over to our house to use our internet and last night stayed over to midnight. Too late for a week night when we all are busy.

And then we come to the other housemate ... well I'm not sure that I even want to go there...

Don't mind me, I'm just having a big whinge.

Grumble grumble grumble

Spoiled

A new laptop for me today.

Spoiled is me.

By my Toddy, who I love very much.
Who is willing to decimate our savings just to make sure that I have everything that I need.

I love you so much!

Life is...

Life is...

Hard right now, really hard.
I am struggling to get out of bed in the mornings. But I am still trying and I guess that's something.

Busy.
Uni is crazy as always, but I love it. Art is what makes me happy.

Changing.
New opportunities arising. Possibly a new job if my confidence could manage it.

Continuing.
Always growing, always evolving.

And that's about it.

Consideration

Did you even stop to consider what would happen from this?
The effect it would have on you
On others
On me?

No of course not.

All I can say is, how selfish.
You forget that you are not the only person to suffer here.
And all the shit that comes up everytime you allow them near affects all of us.

Who is the one who holds back your hair when you vomit back the only thing you have managed to eat all day?
Who runs you a bath and talks through every pain and insecurity?
Who holds your hand as you walk through the painfull memories of long ago?
Who whispers quietly "what can we do?" "how did this happen?" at night long after you have fallen to sleep?
Who treads on eggs shells while you rebuild your shattered foundation?
Who praises you as you begin to progress again?
Who loves for your flaws rather then condemning you for them?
Who cringes inwardly when they find out you have invited them back in?
Who waits silently as the nausea sets back in all the while inwardly breaking down under the stress of being your carer?

Who?

Me, that's who. And the rest of your chosen family.

The same people who are buckling under the combined pressure of all our own problems and yours.

Why do I stay?
Because you are my friend,
My chosen family.
And I love you.
And you don't deserve the treatment you have recieved at their hands.
But neither do I,
Neither do I.

And yet look at what you condemn me to...

Six Years Today

Six years today.
Infinity in a heartbeat so it seems to me.
Almost a third of our lives,
Together.

Through the hard times,
The happy times,
The painful times,
The scary, hairy, hormonal times.

Those who know me,
You who knows me best,
Know I'm not given to flowery articulation,
Or to excess.

So it is no overstatement to say that;
With everything I was,
With everything I am,
With everything I will be,

I love you.
Always.
Forever.